How to Decline a Reference Request Without Upsetting the Job Seeker

When job seekers are looking for a new role, it’s a common practice for them to contact people willing to serve as job references. Having solid references at the ready is a long-established practice that can boost the candidate’s chances for a job interview.

If you’ve ever been in a situation where a former work colleague or friend has approached you for a job reference request, chances are your first inclination is to give it — assuming they’re hard workers and good at what they do.

But what if, for one reason or another, you can’t recommend them?

This is a difficult situation and one that you need to handle with care. To help you do that, here’s a look at some of the reasons why you should decline a reference request, along with some tips on how to say no politely without upsetting the job seeker who asked you to provide one.

Whether you’re looking for a job or looking to hire, Robert Half can help.

Writing a reference, creating a recommendation on LinkedIn, or talking to a prospective employer over the phone is a great way to help someone secure a new job.

But you shouldn’t feel obligated to provide a job reference if you don’t feel 100% comfortable with it. In some cases, you may just have a gut feeling that you don’t want to commit to giving a reference, and that’s a valid reason to reflect on why you feel that way.

Here are three important instances when you should at least think twice about providing a reference:

1. You haven’t worked with that person for very long. If you don’t feel you know the person well enough and don’t have enough information to pass comment on their skills, don’t feel like you must provide a reference. You run the risk of your answers being vague, which won’t provide them with any benefit.

2. You know they’re not a strong candidate. Have you had bad experiences with the person, or do you feel they don’t merit a positive reference? Perhaps they’ve been turning up for work late and leaving early. Or maybe they lack an understanding of the value of teamwork in the workplace. Or it could just be that they have a bad work ethic.

You could give them a negative review, of course, but sometimes it’s best to stick to the saying, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

3. HR policies at your company forbid you. Some businesses have rules in place around providing references. If you receive a reference request, make sure you check your employee handbook first so you can avoid getting yourself into any hot water for conflicts of interest.

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It’s not always a comfortable situation having to say no to someone. In fact, it’s a skill that many people would rather not think about.

But in real-world situations, you will have to give it some thought if someone asks you for a job reference — especially if you don’t immediately feel good about the request. Make sure you think through your response carefully, to avoid causing any upset or offense. If you’re unsure how to actually get to the point of declining the reference request, here are some things to consider saying, along with some tips to help make it easier:

When you don’t know the person well enough, it can be tempting to just ignore the request. However, make sure you respond promptly, so they have time to formulate another plan. To turn them down politely, you could write: “I’m sorry, I don’t feel I have worked with you long enough to provide you with an accurate and thorough recommendation, but I wish you all the best with your job hunt.”

If you know the person well, but feel you can’t give a positive recommendation, you should explain that you don’t think you’re the right person to do it. Where possible, respond to the request in writing. This will give you a chance to pick your words carefully. Be clear and concise, so you don’t allow any room for them to persuade you otherwise.

Be professional — there’s no need to be negative, and this isn’t the right time to highlight all their shortcomings. Here’s an example of what you could write: “I don’t think I am the best person to write you a recommendation, but I’m sure you’ll find someone much better suited to the task.”

If you can’t provide a reference due to company policies, explain that to them. They’ll understand your hands are tied. If you feel bad about saying no, perhaps ask if there is anything else you could do to help them. For example, you could offer to let them know about any relevant job opportunities you may encounter, read over their resume, or provide some career advice. Here’s a suggested response you could write: “I’m sorry, but it’s our company policy not to write recommendations. I hope you understand. If there’s anything else I could do to help, please let me know.”

Knowing how to decline a job reference request — and saying no in other situations — is an important skill and one that is vital to master as you grow your career.

To summarize, you’re under no obligation to give a reference, so follow these three basic guidelines and do what you think is best:

Make a decision and stick with it

Formulate your reply, then promptly contact the job seeker

Always remain professional

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